I’m experiencing a lot of pain recently—spiritual, emotional and physical—and have been reminded by my mentors and friends (as recently as this morning—thanks Asha!) that all pain is a sign that you’re resisting something.

And so now the question is, what? What am I resisting and how can I stop resisting and surrender to reality? The key, it seems, is sensitivity to the pain and a willingness to dive deep into the center of that pain once you’ve found it and then “sit” there basking in it until it is transformed and you no longer “have to” resist it. When you finally accept the pain, you are then able to perceive the cause of it—specifically, how and what you are resisting, and finally release your attachment. So we’re not so attached to the pain it seems so much as we’re attached to the resistance. And it’s an invisible resistance! I don’t even know I’m resisting something most of the time and I have accepted as normal the chronic tension in some part of my body, or the way I maintain an unnatural body position even though it taxes me terribly to do it.

So I am cultivating a sensitivity these days to pain in all my bodies (physical, emotional, spiritual) as well as other sensations previously ignored. I continue to realize as I go that I was unaware of many forms of pain. And when I say pain, I might just as easily be saying awareness. Pain is really an invitation to awareness, an opportunity to wake up and face reality. It amazes me that I have so frequently chosen to maintain my resistance to awareness and therefore, maintain my level of pain thinking on some level that it was easier to just keep sleeping through it, hoping that it would eventually go away if I avoided it long enough. But, in fact, I find now that the opposite is true. When we avoid, we deny and suppress and end up storing the pain for a later (and usually much unhappier and more intensely painful) release—if we’re lucky. Additionally, stored pain (resistance to reality) can also be transformed into chronic disease and inexplicable suffering.

My goal now is to welcome pain when it comes and better learn to read and understand the message that’s being sent. I see that the pain is bearing gifts of awareness and I want to accept those gifts when I can. At the same time, I am also realizing that I can only accept so much pain (awareness) at any one time before I need to shut down and process it. So, I am also giving myself permission to shut down and deal with what I can before accepting any more as well. It’s a cycle of open, close-and-process, open, close-and-process and maybe, eventually, I won’t have to shut down completely each time. Maybe it’s even possible to actually stay open and process as I go. Won’t that be a treat!

Sincerely,
-Zack