These are called mistakes, but I must say I enjoy reading these formations of language in the same way I enjoy good poetry. Enjoy . . .

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Journalism 110
Grammar and language mistakes

The following are examples from around the world illustrating what happens when we misuse the English language.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read not is.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

English well talking.

Here speeching American.

Examples of English misuse found in various student papers from the United States:

* The patchwork guilts had been sown by Grandma Dee.

* I felt as if I had been trown into a room of hungry loins.

* You always new when he come in the room because of the smell of his strange colon.

* Next, break the eggs into two bowels.

* Teachers harassing students will continue because the authorities don’t care about the students body.

* He slipped into a comma and died.

– Richard Lederer’s, “Anguished English”

The morning breeze comes back
and from the southern desert
the lapwing returns
The dove’s soft song about roses
I hear that again.

The tulip, who understands what the lily says,
went away, but now she’s back.

With the sound of a bell,
strength and gentleness.

Hafiz broke his vow and damaged his heart,
but now, for no reason, his Friend forgives that,
and turns, and walks back up to his door.

—Hafiz

God has given us a dark wine so potent that,
drinking it, we leave the two worlds.

God has put into the form of hashish a power
to deliver the taster from self-consciousness.

God has made sleep so
that it erases every thought.

God made Majnun love Layla so much that
just her dog would cause confusion in him.

There are thousands of wines
that can take over our minds.

Don’t think all ecstacies
are the same!

Jesus was lost in his love for God.
His donkey was drunk with barley.

Drink from the presence of saints,
not from those other jars.

Every object, every being,
is a jar full of delight.

Be a conoisseur,
and taste with caution.

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king, and choose the purest,

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about “what’s needed.”

Drink the wine that moves you
as a camel moves when it’s been untied,

and is just ambling about.

–Rumi

It was bound to astound, in fact I was spellbound by the sound of my hound found eating a 1 pound mound of ground round. It should’a been browned by the renowned clown, riding southbound on a stormbound greyhound, previously icebound near the merry-go-round at the local fairground. It continues to confound and dumbfound even those who propound a turnaround, near the compound, for fear my foxhound is a hellhound.

1999 ZFC

I have recently changed nothing and thereby greatly enhanced my intransigent abilities in fields afar. Taking that nameless thing we speak of only in hushed tones as a cue, and needing little else upon which to balance my loose confederation of thoughts, my wherewithal redeems itself in a small town in Wentworthville, Australia, among other impossible places. The deleterious madness that cakes on my shoes has dried in the time I have spent contemplating those who fear and do naught. My time is crumbling, and yet I do nothing. I fear and yet I do nothing. I know nothing and yet I do nothing. Where, then, is the rhyme and the song? Is there no one to admonish one in the gloaming? No one, but the one.

I beat a retreat in a southerly direction. For now. Cleansing the palate is the first step toward tasting the real.

-zfc

gloaming \GLOH-ming\, noun:
Twilight; dusk.
The period between afternoon and nighttime.

It was the gloaming, when a man cannot make out if the nebulous figure he glimpses in the shadows is angel or demon, when the face of evening is stained by red clouds and wounded by lights.
–Homero Aridjis, 1492: The Life and Times of Juan Cabezon of Castile (translated by Betty Ferber)

Arrived at the village station on a wintry evening, when the gloaming is punctuated by the cheery household lamps, shining here and there like golden stars, through the leafless trees.
— Margaret Sangster

The gloaming is the twilight of the day. It’s the period between darkness and light. It’s a time of magic. It’s the time between the fear of ensuing darkness and the excitement of the stepping into the unknown; the ending of the day’s long work and entering into a magical world that lies on the edge of mundane. The gloaming symbolizes intertwining of the dark and light that creates the beauty of story.
–Brian Herod